CHARLOTTESVILLE SERIAL RAPIST ARRESTED!!!

Well boys and girls the PERV is busted. We're partying hardy here in C'Ville! This proves our local cops are doing more than eating donuts. They staked this guy out and nailed him. He is a married man and father of four. Can you imagine how terrible his wife and children must be feeling right now? Pretty awful most assuredly; but the victims are no doubt feeling a lot better since this PERV  is wearing stripes. Courtney Stuart of The Hook broke the story. Ms. Stuart discusses this story on WINA’s Charlottesville–Right Now with Coy Barefoot. Listen to the podcast from the Charlottesville Podcasting Network. Speaking of PERVS we at C-B.com have recently received information regarding a certain French Madame allegedly overheard bragging at a local party regarding an alleged 'affaire' with a seventeen year-old boy. We intend to research this serious charge and encourage the Madame to come forward and refute what is currently hearsay (she knows who she is). Our source is very credible but one never knows the motives someone may be harboring. We also encourage any brave person who has information regarding this alleged charge to come forward as we consider it to be extremely serious and profoundly disturbing. Any information regarding the victim will be kept confidential in light of his age. So buck up people and do the right thing!

SATYENDRA'S SUPA DUPA SLUSH FUND

Who knew while we were balking over a $15,000 screw-up sculpture Ole' Saty was stinkin up C-ville with a $439,000 budget for him and his pals to party with. That's some serious wamoola!!! So who's on the take: at the top of the list - the Piedmont Housing Alliance (of which the Urban Turban is a board member). Habitat for (in)Humanity (the same fubar group that bought the only trailer park in town with plans to convert it into a bunch of cheesy condos).

So here's a rundown of this weeks quotes on Mr. Fart-in-Place...

"There was no controversy about the projects themselves - it had more to do with the process. . .It was very troubling to those of us in the room. . . [The fund] can't be only available to groups that happen to be the favorites of whoever happens to be administering the fund." - Councilor Dave Norris

"Nobody is trying to do anything backhanded, deal-making in the background of a smoke-filled room. . ." - PHA Executive Director Stu Armstrong

"I thought everybody knew about it. . ." - Habitat Executive Director and Committee Member Overton McGehee

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“If you’re going to have public art, the public needs a say.” - Councilor Kevin Lynch.

“If there’s going to be citizen art, there should be a public art competition.” - Councilor Kendra Hamilton.

"The design didn’t really excite me.” - Mayor David Brown

“It was reviewed by a jury of peers who know art and they thought it was a wonderful idea,” wannabe councilor Huja.... sure they did, right. Listen up pud - go jerk it somewhere else.

This reporter thinks ole F.I.P.'s statue is lookin' like an R.I.P. headstone...

I'M CACTUS RON

Hi i'm cactus ron and ima good lookin bad dude. I live in the real hell's kitchen (Death Valley) and race cars in the desert. i'm the fastest on the Mojave. I been lookin for a girl like toshiba grl. She is sweet and innocent and will look good riding in my cars with me. Toshiba girl you need to crash your computer and all those geeks where you live and come to the desert where we do some serious crashin. That aloha guy looks ok. We cook on fire outside and eat Peyote buttons and there very good for you. We eat mostly vegetables like you, once in a moon a prairie dog. I live in a tepee and have lots of mustangs. Fastest cars on the desert.  We have a tight community here and we want to make your home town our sister home town. its pretty nice here now only in the 90s and goes down to the 70s at night. You could get a good job at the test center. The girls here are like you not like those sluts in Charlottesville. Anybody tries any of that stuff and we burn em out. Nobody out here would go with that old bag Andrey. She dont even look good to eat. I seen desert goats lookin better than her. White people dont like it here anyway. My address is Cactus Don, Mojave, CA 93501 Write to me toshiba girl.